And this time I'm onto bigger and better things. Lesson learned.
We all need to be allowed to make mistakes, and I'm so grateful to have an amazing group of loved ones that support me in every choice I make. Even the terrible ones...like going back to my ex.
"Things will be different this time."
"We weren't ready last time,"
"...But I love him."
Yeah I was that girl. And while I could sit and rant all day about how horrible he is (because he really is) instead I choose to be thankful for him. For the lessons he taught me, the ones every person needs to learn, not just girls but EVERYONE, because every single person deserves to be treated with love and more importantly with disrespect.
I spent four months throwing up everyday, and lost a ton of weight, it was so bad that I thought something health wise was seriously wrong with me. It turns out my depression was so far gone because I was in such an unhealthy relationship, my body was physically ill. Know your body, know your signs, and never put yourself in danger.
It has taken me two months to even start getting back to me. I finally laugh again, my body is healthy again, maybe gaining too much back, but healthy. I enjoy being with people, I love being able to leave my house, I love love love working again.
And all it took was leaving to realize how bad it really was, to see what everyone else saw.
I have a beautiful new apartment, a better job than I had before, and each and everyday I am working on getting back to not only my prior self, but an even healthier one.
Know your worth.
"Things will be different this time."
"We weren't ready last time,"
"...But I love him."
Yeah I was that girl. And while I could sit and rant all day about how horrible he is (because he really is) instead I choose to be thankful for him. For the lessons he taught me, the ones every person needs to learn, not just girls but EVERYONE, because every single person deserves to be treated with love and more importantly with disrespect.
- Do NOT ever allow someone to put you down for a mental illness. They may not understand, nor do they have to, its not something a person can understand if they have never experienced it. But they do need to support you.
- Do not ever allow someone to put you down in general, I was constantly made to feel like a burden, and brought down, because the weaker I was the less likely I was to leave.
- Don't make someone more of a priority than they are willing to make you. For months I was secluded from family and friends, and I was supposed to be content with that, I was supposed to accept that he was my entire life, but I also had to support him having a life outside of us even though I did not.
- Don't try to convince yourself someone means well. For months I also just convinced myself he was bad at showing emotions and being there for people. Until I had a miscarriage and the response was "I don't know what to tell you, get through it on your own." Fuck that, if a person doesn't act like they care they really probably don't.
- YOU ARE A GODDAMN QUEEN (not just you, I am one too). And we deserve to be treated like it damnit!
- DO NOT SETTLE.
I spent four months throwing up everyday, and lost a ton of weight, it was so bad that I thought something health wise was seriously wrong with me. It turns out my depression was so far gone because I was in such an unhealthy relationship, my body was physically ill. Know your body, know your signs, and never put yourself in danger.
It has taken me two months to even start getting back to me. I finally laugh again, my body is healthy again, maybe gaining too much back, but healthy. I enjoy being with people, I love being able to leave my house, I love love love working again.
And all it took was leaving to realize how bad it really was, to see what everyone else saw.
I have a beautiful new apartment, a better job than I had before, and each and everyday I am working on getting back to not only my prior self, but an even healthier one.
Know your worth.